Serving the Church by Talking about Same-Sex Attraction: An Interview with Sam Allberry

Sam Allberry is associate pastor of St Mary’s Maidenhead, in Berkshire, UK. Early last year, he went public with the fact that he experiences same-sex attraction. And then last June, he published Is God Anti-Gay?, which has had huge sales in both the UK and the US. I caught up with him to see how things are going in his life and ministry.

Sam, I wonder whether it’s easier or harder to fight this particular temptation personally, now that you’ve brought it into the public sphere?

In one sense, bringing it into the public sphere hasn’t changed the way in which I’ve been experiencing it. If anything it’s slightly helped, because I’ve had more opportunities to speak on the issue, and when I’m doing that I’m preaching to myself, reminding myself both what God’s word is on this issue, but also the goodness of that word. So it does me good to be thinking and teaching on it.

But actually the most thing has helped isn’t necessarily being public about it, but being open with friends about it. That’s the thing that has made the single biggest difference.

Do you worry there’s a danger that you will become known as “Sam Allberry, the guy who experiences SSA and who writes and speaks and blogs about it”? How do you feel about being seen as that guy?

To be honest, it’s not my heart’s desire to be known for this issue; and this isn’t a reputation I’m in any way trying to chase. But I don’t mind that a consequence of being open about this is that lots of people will only know about me because of my struggle in this area. If I can serve the church by being open and clear, and by writing and teaching about it, then being known as that guy is a price I’m willing to pay to be useful.

A few months back, you and some others who struggle in this area set up a webiste, livingout.org. Tell us a bit about it.

The aim is for it to be a resource to Christians who are struggling with SSA; to churches who want to help support them; and to Christians wanting to know how to engage with this issue in the wider world. Livingout.org is built around a core of filmed testimonies, so at the moment there are six of us who’ve told our story on film; and we’ve filmed answer to some of the common questions that come up. Our hope is that this will be the start of many more stories coming through in due course. We’re conscious that so far we’re all British, and we’re all male, and we’re hoping to include more varied stories from a wide range of people.

What reception has it had?

Overwhelmingly positive. Unsurprisingly given the issue, it’s attracted a certain level of opposition, but not a huge amount. And we’ve been quite overwhelmed by the number of people who’ve contacted us and shown appreciation for what we’re trying to do and the fact that we’ve been open about our own stories.

Quite a few people have been in touch to share something of their own experience, and a number of them have said: “This has helped me to realise I’m not the only one out there struggling with this issue.” And that’s what we were most hoping to do.

We’ve also been struck by how international the feedback has been; I’ll read down the list of emails and there’s one from Puerto Rico, the next is from New Zealand, and so on. It’s lovely to think that such a wide range of people have been engaging with this.

I also want to say that one of the really big encouragements is the range of Christian leaders who have backed what we’re seeking to do. That’s been great, because it reflects that there is a commitment right across the breadth of evangelicalism to say that this is an issue where there is clarity on what the Bible says, and that we need to stand together on.

If someone were reading this, and they were quietly, privately struggling with their feelings in this area, what would you want to say to them?

Two big things: first, you need to know God’s word on this. Be clear in your own thinking on that, and know that God’s word is always a word of blessing for us. Second, have people you can talk to about it. The vast majority of us who’ve been battling with this issue have found that it’s helped enormously to have Christian friends with whom you can share the ups and the downs with; people who know instinctively how to pray for you, encourage and support and help you. Most of us find that if you battle something on your own, it’s a lot more difficult. We’re designed in general to share our burdens with one another—it’s one of the reasons why we have Christian brothers and sisters, and this area is no exception to that.

What would be the one thing you’d say to pastors?

Don’t avoid this issue. Knowing that it will cause a level of opposition—even sometimes from within your own congregation—is not a good enough reason to duck it. On this issue, our culture will keep pressing ahead with its own agenda, and so the saints really do need to be equipped on it—and that’s your responsibility if you’re a pastor. It you’re not feeding the flock on this issue, they’ll inevitably have their views shaped by the culture around them.

What have you got coming up speaking-wise outside your local church that’s exciting?

As well as some things in the US, I’m doing a couple of sessions on this at Word Alive in Wales in April. I’ll do a session on homosexuality, the Bible and the Christian, and a second on homosexuality, the church and the world—thinking about how we engage with this issue, how we encourage one another, and how we try to answer the objections that the world around us has. I’m really looking forward to that.

Tell us what you’re working on that has nothing to do with this issue!

My next writing project is James For You in the God’s Word For You series. James was the first book of the Bible I ever studied as a Christian, so I’ve always had a particular affection for it, and it’s lovely to spend time in this wonderful book again. I’ve not taught through it for a couple of years, and have really enjoyed coming back to it, looking hard at the text, and being excited about things I’d not noticed before.

And of course I’m pressing on with local church ministry week by week. I’d really appreciate your prayers for both the writing and the church ministry; that the Lord would be the one I’m relying on, and that he’d give me the privilege of being useful to him.