Loving butterflies

We all know butterflies. Some of us may be butterflies. Those people who flit from church to church on an annual, monthly or weekly basis - constantly shifting spiritual family. I'm not talking about those people who travel for work (never ideal but not necessarily a sign of spiritual ill-health!) but those who can get to the same church consistently but simply don't.

They have their reasons, of course. Some of them may be spoken: a desire to be more ecumenical, a passion for hearing different perspectives, a keenness to avoid people who have wounded them in the past. Others unspoken: a fear of commitment, a desire to avoid accountability or a deep-seated suspicion that no-one would love them if they showed their true selves week by week.

Butterflies are fairly innocuous creatures. They're rarely around enough to cause offence by their presence. They give little to the body and are often not missed when absent. So it's easy to ignore their wanderings, welcome them when they're about and say little to challenge their behaviour. After all, we don't want to unnecessarily offend people or give the impression we are some kind of cult which teaches that God is placated by the taking of attendance.

The trouble is, with every flit, they become spiritually weaker. No consistent teaching. No-one in whom they can confide their struggles or sins. No-one praying for them regularly. No-one encouraging them to be accountable for their spiritual growth. No outlet for their Spirit-given gifts. No chance to partner meaningfully in the gospel by giving their money or time. No true family relationships that refine and make them more like Jesus. No home to which they can bring their non-Christian friends... And, in that increasing weakness, they simply flit on. Until one day they fall off the radar completely and no-one really knows why.

So, how can we love the butterflies that live on the periphery of our congregations and love them well? There are no easy answers but here are some thoughts. Do, please, feel free to share your own:

• Value: When they do turn up, make sure they feel loved. Not swamped by affection but struck by the fact that people genuinely do want to spend time chatting to them and taking an interest in their lives. Tell them they are missed when they are not about ... not to be cunning but to express God's heart.
• Contact: Sometimes lack of attendance can be fuelled by something as simple as the old adage: out of sight, out of mind. So keeping your congregation on their radar can be a great way to encourage them to come along more regularly. Can you commit to dropping round a notice sheet every week? Can you text them every now and then just to see how they are doing?
• Invite: People are much more likely to come to something if they are invited. Make sure they get an invitation to socials, special services, Christianity Explored courses and events. And make sure they get an invitation to join a home group each term. Of course, it's great to invite them to dinner too - or a cup of tea in Costa if you have reason to suspect they could be un-nerved by being invited to your home (and the pressure that subconsciously brings to invite you back).
• Discuss: It can be tempting to address the symptom (lack of attendance) rather than the cause (fear, embarrassment, lack of biblical understanding of what the church is etc). Be interested in their lives. Be interested in why they like to move around. Point people to Scripture and show, through your own testimony, how you have been helped by getting stuck in to one church regularly.
• Serve: They may have profound needs. I know of people who wouldn't take communion because they didn't want to kneel and show everyone the holes in their shoes so they just headed to the church that wasn't sharing the Lord's Supper each week. I've known others who wont commit because they feel too guilty about a past abortion or criminal record. If they open up, we can do all we can to serve them and love them in their emotional or practical struggles.
• Teach: They're not likely to attend a term of Bible studies on Ephesians to get to grips with what the church is all about. Nor will they, by nature, potter along to a membership evening to be informed of the expectations of the church leadership. But they might come to a one-off evening to discuss the question, "what is the church?" Putting on a one-off event that combines rigorous teaching on the church with an opportunity to discuss differing opinions may well capture their imaginations and encourage them to think about settling in a spiritual home. It's useful for regulars too.
• Involve: Some people flit because they've never actually been invited to settle. They'll probably run a mile if you simply see them as fodder to fill a gap in a rota but if you genuinely see they have a gift in a particular area, they might just like to use it regularly. It's always worth asking.
• Pray: Of course, it is only the Holy Spirit who can change people's hearts. Ask God to be at work. He knows what they need far better that we do.
• Persevere: Butterflies don't find it easy to settle. There will be disappointments along the way. But there's no real reason to give up on them ...

... not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25