Self-harm - breaking the code of silence

It can be hard to admit to self-harming. In fact, far from being the “attention-seeking” behaviour that it is so often described as being, most people keep it secret for months, years … even decades.

The problem is, it’s not easy to say “I deliberately cut myself” or “I take fistfuls of tablets when I can’t cope any more” . Doing so can seem like a terrifying prospect. People worry that others will see them as mad, bad or just plain weird. In certain church circles the assumption can be that someone who self-harms is demon-possessed (drawing on the story of the man in Mark 5). And no-one wants to be inappropriately placed into that category!

The stark reality, however, is that most people who self-harm are simply normal human beings who are struggling with the pain of the fallen world.

There are ways churches can help to overcome the wall of silence:

• Create a culture of openness and acceptance

People who have a “big pastoral secret” to share will often share smaller struggles first to test the water. If they are loved and accepted when they admit to small struggles, they are more likely to share the big ones.

• Raise awareness through literature

Simply popping a poster in the church which says that the leadership team are concerned for those who struggle with self harm (and alcohol and eating disorders and porn etc) and willing to talk with those who are affected can be a great reassurance to those who know they need help.

• Raise awareness through teaching

Every time the Bible is taught, there will be application. Ensuring that such moments of application, at times (when appropriate!) include application to those who struggle with pastoral problems is so helpful in encouraging people to seek help and seek help that is based on Scripture.

• Raise awareness through testimony

It’s always encouraging to hear how God is changing, healing and molding his people. So every now and then, why not ask someone who has stopped self-harming to give a testimony at church. It’s bound to encourage someone else!

By taking these small steps, churches can more and more become places where the code of silence is broken and people seek help for their struggles.