Three Essentials for Raising Children

God is a “family of three”—so he designed us for family life, in our homes and in our churches. It’s not surprising then that the Bible provides some very simple principles for life under Christ at home. Paul says in Ephesians 6 v 4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord”.

The words “instruction of the Lord” here have the comprehensive sense of both parenting in a Christian manner and teaching them the Christian faith. As we seek to do that, it may be helpful to remember three things:

1. It takes a church to raise kids—so turn up!

They will need spiritually healthy role models other than their parents, for them to aspire to emulate. So take them to church and, where possible, to a church summer camp. Children are saved by God’s grace and not by our good parenting—but putting our kids under credible Bible-teaching is far more valuable than swimming or tennis lessons. But don’t completely delegate your parental responsibility to others—a little encouragement in the faith from dad or mum means a lot more than from the youth leaders.

2. It takes the gospel to raise kids—so speak up!

Let’s talk about the kindness of God’s forgiving grace—and not just about God’s laws—including age-appropriate apologies to them for our sins and errors (though not so much that it undermines their security in us). And it’s important to share what we understand as well as what we find confusing about God’s love—for example, when he doesn’t give us what we pray for, or when we are coping with disappointment or suffering in the family. Hard times are when our kids are listening most carefully.

3. It takes God to raise kids—so pray up!

It was the big thing my parents did for their five kids; and we can all do this for our own kids, and the children in our church family. Children united by the gospel under the rule of Christ are as much part of God’s plan to display his grace in the heavenly realms as anyone else in our church.

Children united by the gospel under the rule of Christ are as much part of God’s plan to display his grace in the heavenly realms as anyone else in our church.

What does all this look like in practice? Some helpful suggestions emerging from the families at our church over the years include:

• being brave about discussing our children’s challenges with older Christians and church leaders.
• reading a children’s Bible and praying individually with small kids when they go to bed.
• reading the Bible as a family at the tea table when the kids are school-age, even if the kids complain loudly about homework. If we take turns to read a short passage, keep discussions brief, and pray about what we’ve learned, we can demonstrate that God is real, important and loving.
• praying about daily stuff: responding to successes and crises and birthdays and exams with prayer, which powerfully models ordinary living by faith.
• periodically taking each of the kids for a private catch-up over a drink, as a great opportunity to listen carefully and catch up on the spiritual realities of the lives of our kids, and to offer some help and prayer.

If you have children, they will probably take it in turns to make you sick with worry, even after they leave home. But you can pray for them every night, knowing that God loves them even more than you do and that our heavenly Father understands children and wants to help us all to bring them up well. So we can resolve to enjoy parenting at every stage, in all its exhausting complexity, confident that God will help us—because a family gathered under Christ is proclaiming Christ’s victory over evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 3 v 10)!

This is adapted from Ephesians For You by Richard Coekin.

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