The loneliness of the long distance runner…

For the most part, people are in ministry because they love the Lord and his gospel—and because they love people.

And yet the great surprise for many as they start as a youth worker, an assistant pastor or in some other capacity in a local church is how isolated and lonely it can be—particularly for those who are not married.

It’s not surprising really. Evangelical ministry is based on the word of God and prayer. Studying the Bible and preparing talks, and giving yourself to praying for those you minister, are solitary affairs. The effect is amplified if you have recently left the buzzing hive of seminary or theological college, and if you have moved to a job in a new place, with few familiar faces around.

The long working hours—revealed in our recent survey—add to the difficulty of finding and making good friendships, and the struggle to find the close personal support that is so necessary in these early years. Even if there are close friends nearby, there is little opportunity to spend time with them!

And the problem is compounded by the strange working hours. When you might be free for a walk, or a coffee, or a movie—everyone else is at work or asleep! Weekends away to visit friends in other areas are not really an option.

Hardly surprising therefore that many count their first year of ministry their hardest, and that the attrition rate, particular among youth workers, is rather high.

Even for those who are married and with families things can be tough. In our recent survey of pastors, women’s workers and youth workers, a quarter confessed to work pressure often (19%) or very often (6%) negatively affecting their family relationships. A further 53% admitted that their family responsibilities were sometimes dropped because of ministry demands.

Over a third of the Christian workers surveyed rarely manage to enjoy a hobby, or a recreational pursuit that energises them. One respondent said:

"I find increasingly since starting ministry that I do not have time for basic personal things like music or running. I find I use my spare time to sleep. Socialising with friends has really suffered, I have very few evenings free due to youth programmes and meetings."

But even when a day off is used to see friends, this can sometimes add to the burden. Writing in Zeal without Burnout one Christian worker said:

"I always took a day off each week and usually spent it seeing friends who lived elsewhere—leaving early in the morning and driving back late at night to maximise the time. After about six months I went to see my family doctor and was shocked when she signed me off work for a month saying I was exhibiting the symptoms of major stress and needed to stop. I hadn’t told any of my colleagues anything so it was rather a shock to them too. But it wasn’t until I did stop that I realised how bad things were…"

Work hard at friendships

Christopher Ash offers some helpful advice on this matter in Zeal without Burnout:

God has so created us that we are social beings and need one another for healthy life on earth. … We need to develop and sustain healthy Christian friendships. A younger Christian worker said to me that his near-breakdown was partly caused by lack of sustaining friendships. We who are keen to serve Christ need to watch over one another in love.

We who are keen to serve Christ need to watch over one another in love.

One of the best things I did during my year of nervous exhaustion [following a burnout experience] was to restart a prayer triplet with two other men. I should have done this years before, but somehow it had been postponed until the crisis came. We began to meet most weeks. We were honest with one another about our struggles, our perplexities, and our joys; we tried to stir one another up to fight the good fight of faith and persevere in love and good works; and we prayed for one another, both when we met and in between times.

If, like me, you are not a natural at building and sustaining friendships, I want to encourage you to persevere and to be intentional about it. Some of us in a world of social media have a great many Facebook friends but very few, if any, deep friendships. It is good to be deliberate and make the hard calls as to which are the friendships into which we will invest the limited time we have.

Ministry: Poisoned chalice or jar of clay?

This is the last of my articles on the results of our survey of stress among Christian workers (see part 1 and part 2). Reviewing the survey data, it has become obvious to me that, unless we have a strong will, and a clear understanding of our needs for rest, for refreshment and for good friendships, our zeal to serve the Lord and the people he has placed us with in ministry can be a poisoned chalice. The work is never done. The sermon is never good enough. There is always one more thing to do before bed. There is always one more person who needs to hear about Jesus.

Ministry—much like the Christian life—is a marathon, not a short sprint. We are not called to run it alone.

But we carry this treasure in the fragile, cracked vessels of our bodies, hearts and minds. And when we suppose ourselves to be invulnerable, and think that our ministry is to be measured against the extraordinary few who seem to have an endless capacity for work and endurance, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Ministry—much like the Christian life—is a marathon, not a short sprint. And we are not called to run it alone.

Help protect yourself or someone you know from burnout: Zeal without Burnout by Christopher Ash, with a foreword by Alistair Begg, is available now.

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